The Food
I have weird taste. I admit that. But tastes issues aside, her food plan sucked. Problemo numero uno: the insanely low daily calorie allotment. She expected me to not only wake up every morning and take care of my house and kids but to work out on my BMR: a measly 1300 calories a day. Even refugee camps provide 1800.
Secondly, I don't know if I buy her whole "oxidation type" theory. I (kinda) get the science behind it but just because something sounds scientifically correct doesn't make it so. There are a lot of variables in metabolism and upping my carb intake by a lot didn't help my weight or my muscle at all.
Third, the food tasted terrible. Not to mention the overabundance of mercury-contaminated large fish (one day in my menu plan called for 6 oz. of swordfish followed up the next day with the same - the FDA recommends avoiding swordfish altogether as it is one of the most heavily contaminated fish in the ocean.)
Fourth, she came from a totally California rich girl mentality where organic produce grows on trees (hee!) and tempeh is at the corner gas station.
The Exercise
This part was obviously Jillian's field of expertise. She provided two new workouts per week, each repeated twice. The exercises were varied and worked out the entire body. She relied mostly on tried-and-true body builder standards like the squat and the bench press but added in some novelties I'd never tried before.
At first I thought her workouts were too easy until you guys pointed out to me that I could do them twice in a row. Once the Gym Buddies and I did that, we consistently got our butts kicked. Although I had to up all her recommended weights, speeds and inclines.
The one thing I didn't like, and I know I'm being nit picky here, was that her exercise program felt a little bit "old school" and not in a good way. Her reliance on the Swiss ball and push-pull technique were all very hot a few years ago but have since been relegated to the what-were-we-thinking bin. It was only after I looked back at the copyright date that I realized the book actually is several years old. So it was probably cutting edge... when it came out. (So don't ask me why they are marketing it like it's new now.)
My Results Weight: +9 FREAKING pounds (but we've already discussed that that was probably due to the over training and not to Ms. Michaels) Body fat: +2% (sigh) Measurements (ready for some weirdness?)
Waist: -1/2 inch (after gaining 9 lbs???)
Arm: +3/4 inch - goooooo biceps!
Hips: +1.5 inches
Butt: +1 inch (which I admit that I kind of like. I don't have much of a butt usually)
Thigh: +1.25 inches
Gym Buddy Allison's weight and measurements stayed constant.
My Conclusions
There was nothing really exciting or earth shattering in here. The strength of the book lies in Ms. Michaels' considerable charisma. I loved her honesty about how hard she and other H'wood types work for their physiques. I loved her no-nonsense no-coddling here tone. And, since I now own the book, I will probably continue to use some of her workouts (slightly adapted, natch) to break up my routine. But the food plan - blech. And I have to say that I will NOT miss her smirk on her cover photo. Seriously, after a few days I started turning it over just so she'd stop looking at me like that.
I know a bunch of you tried this one with me - what were your thoughts? Results? Anyone end up with Jillian's abs??
We should institute a paper-bag mask and trench coat uniform for all would-be pervs. Make them so much easier to spot! Photo Credit.
It started with running away.
The Backstory
At nineteen I was sexually assaulted by a boy whom I was dating, hereafter referred to as Very Bad Boyfriend. The physical toll it took on me was rather minor (I had a worse recovery from my appendix surgery and don't even get me started about child birth). But after the dust settled, I realized that the mental toll was immense. I was depressed, withdrawn and suffered from frequent nightmares mixed with bouts of pull-that-crazy-woman-off-the-bridge PTSD. My remedy of choice was simple: pretend it never happened.
But it had. I was forced to admit this when I discovered through a newspaper article that, five years later, VBB had done it again. And again. I called the police department that same day and made a report. By the time I hung up the phone I was shaking so badly that I threw up. This will be so healing for you, everyone told me. You'll get to face him and show him what he really did to you. You can finally get really angry and justice will be served. In the end, after nine months of court battles, the only part of that that came true was the getting really angry part. He went to prison for three months and jail for nine but, strangely, it didn't feel just to me. I still felt hurt. If anything, I felt more hurt by him. Dredging up all the old memories and then listening to what he did to the other girls only made me wallow in my pain and the guilt I felt for not reporting him sooner.
In an ironic twist, the day after he was sentenced, my third baby was born. And the next day I started running. Never having been a runner before, at first it was just running away. I couldn't feel the emotional pain when I was in physical pain so as soon as I finished my 5 am nursing, I'd be out the door and into the dark. But my legs couldn't carry me fast enough or far enough to escape my thoughts, or the ten pounds of post-partum weight than I had decided to focus all my misguided anger on. Running was a good release but I was still scared.
The Beginning
I thought perhaps muscles would make me feel less vulnerable so I took up weight lifting. My first gym was one of those really sweaty, kinda dirty, 80's-metal-pumping gyms. It was fun to see muscles where literally none had existed before (How does one function without a tricep? To this day I don't know how I was able to drive or lift my children or brush my teeth without that telltale little cut across my arm), but I was still riddled with insecurity, scared of my own shadow and plagued with nightmares.
When my husband decided to go to night school I was worried. "Why don't you go to the Y," he suggested. "Maybe try kickboxing? They have a class the night I'm in school." "I don't have any gloves," I protested weakly. "You better start punching some bricks to toughen up then," he grinned.
The Power of A Good Teacher
It was the head strike that sold me. "Imagine you are actually grabbing someone's head and pulling it into your knee," the instructor yelled. That I could do. I had crash landed in Turbo Jennie's TurboKick class. A petite blond with biceps that could crack a walnut, she projected a no-nonsense, slightly dangerous air. When she punched I could see people going down. By the next class I was looking around the room for a real specimen to try it on, preferably someone I wasn’t related to but I wasn’t going to be picky.
One day after class I decided to ask her. "Have you ever, you know, punched someone? For real?"
"Like in a bar fight?" Her eyes lit up as she considered it and frat boys everywhere got a simultaneous, inexplicable shiver. Then she waved it off, "Nah. But I was a competitive boxer in college." That explained a lot. She wouldn't punch your lights out and send you home with your pride in a take-out box but, by golly, she could. No one would dare mess with Jennie.
And that's what I was lacking. All these years I had made it about him, about my attacker. When the truth was, the problem was with me. I felt weak. Scared. Ever-vulnerable. I was living in a world that felt unsafe to me and I didn't know how to deal.
I know I'm not alone. A 2007 University of Minnesota study reported that almost a quarter of female college students had been sexually assaulted. Take four of your best girl friends and then ask them. Their answers might surprise you. My point is the world is a beautiful, exciting and fun place but a safe place? Not so much.
During the court case VBB said that he had picked his victims because he knew we weren't the type to fight back. And here's my dirty little secret: I didn't fight back. I just cried. Sure he had the element of surprise, not to mention six inches and 60 pounds on me, and I've had enough therapy by now to be able to say that it wasn't all my fault - a typical reaction of victims trying to control the uncontrollable - but what I did, or didn't do rather, definitely affected the outcome. From the moment we went out together, VBB was in control. I let him set the boundaries, the mood, the location and almost every other aspect of the date. So by the time the battle came, I was exhausted, isolated and so far outside of normal that I lost the fight before it began.
I am not that girl anymore. Besides flat abs and arms that no longer wave like they're sending a sailor off to sea, Jennie helped me regain confidence in myself, whether I was doing a roundhouse (and picturing my attacker's head) or doing a body roll and realizing that it's okay to be sexy again. I don't have any delusions that the kind of cardio kickboxing I do will actually save me from a determined attack – I'm pretty sure no one has ever been TurboKicked to death – but I like to think it makes me less of an easy mark. I stand taller, walk faster and meet people's eyes when I pass them on the street. If it looks like I’m sizing you up, it’s because I am.
The Appendix
A few weeks ago I noticed a teenage girl watching me in the mirror during kick boxing. I could tell she was trying not to be obvious but she was watching me. And laughing. During a break I approached her. "Hey, are you enjoying the class?" I asked, trying not to feel like the last kid picked in gym class. Grinning, she answered, "It's great. I'm sorry to keep laughing but you just have this totally intense expression on your face. It's like you think you're really killing someone."
Reader Maggie made an astute observation in her comment on my post "Can You Be Too Old To Exercise?" Smart girl, she writes:
[...] it really bothers me when a fitness magazine has an article about loving yourself and your body the way you are... and on the next page there's an article telling you how to lose 10 pounds fast (!).
Shape Magazine heard Maggie and decided to give her a late holiday gift (just like when your aunt "forgets" you are allergic to peanuts and gives you a gigantic tin of her famous peanut brittle): On page 150 they have a delightful little article called "Banish Those Body Issues" illustrated with a photo of 6 naked women. (Why is it that for a woman to show she is body confident, she must be naked? Is confidentandclothed some kind of oxymoron?) On the very next page is the article with largest font from the cover: "Drop 10 lbs This Month." Not only that but it was subtitled: "Our best plan ever!"
To paraphrase my favorite karaoke song ever "Why do you build me up (build me up!), buttercup baby, just to let me down (let me down!)?" (If you are currently singing "And worst of all (worst of all!), you never call darlin' when you say you will (say you will!)" then you will love this.) Shape gave me a challenge I could not refuse. I am going to do their "Drop 10 lbs this month" plan and see what happens. Will I learn to "banish those body issues?" or will I banish that pesky poundage?
I've always wanted to take a magazine at their word and then write about the results. It's like those commercials that say you can burn (tiny type) up to (huge type) 1,000 calories an hour doing Zumba! Now I love Zumba but I've done that class with a heart-rate monitor on and I'll be darned if I ever broke 400. This workout not only says it will "burn more than 400 calories in just 30 minutes!" they also promise "you'll have firmer muscles, your clothes will be noticeably looser, and the number on the scale will plummet. Plus you'll feel like you can take on antyhing the world throws at you." I don't know about you but interplanetary objects chuck stuff at me like all the time. Who can resist that?
It's the smart aleck in me. I can't help it.
All snarking aside, a lot of people look to magazine workouts for ideas and while occasionally they come up with some flat-out craziness, often they have some good plans for spicing things up. In addition to novelty, you can't beat them for cost effectiveness. In this time of financial hardship, shelling out a few bucks for a magazine certainly beats an hour with a pricey trainer. Also, they are widely available, come with pictures and are a good place to start. And what is January if not a good place to start?
My sister, who knows me better than I know me, pointed out that a lot of people find my Experiments intimidating because I'm such a die-hard exerciser (post about compulsive exercise coming at you soon!) "Why don't you do something that everyone can try?" she asked me the other day. "Oh but everyone can try the stuff I do," I began to enthuse. She cut me off, "What I should have said was, 'Why don't you do something that everyone will want to try?'" Ah. And while I do realize that some of you read this just for the freak-show appeal of watching me do hilarious and sometimes idiotic things - and that's not going away, don't worry - I do worry about alienating people who are just getting into fitness. Exercise is for everyone! No matter how young or old, how weak or strong, how thin or thick, how introverted or extroverted; there is something for everyone. So this month there are no excuses. This is a real workout - your quads will burn - but it is customizable to every level, requires little to no equipment and has a good healthy balance of strength training and cardio.
The Workout
You've got two days of the strength circuit in the magazine, two days of high intensity interval work and one day of something low-n-slow like yoga or walking. Every 4th day is a rest day.
The workout the Gym Buddies and I will be following is: Monday - Shape Magazine strength circuit (see pictures below) Tuesday - Boot Camp interval workout (you can sub biking, running, swimming or any other activity that gets heart rate upupup and then takes it down for a rest and then back up again. The key is the intensity - you want something short and hard. Don't go over 45 minutes. You want a suggestion? Do the 8/12 bicycle sprints!) Wednesday - Shape Magazine strength circuit Thursday - Yoga/walking Friday - Turbokick interval workout (again, sub in what you like)
We will also be doing a Hip-Hop cardio class Monday nights that falls into the steady state cardio category and a TurboKick class on Saturday but that's just because we love those classes so much and can't bear to give them up. You don't have to add anything else in.
While I would be highly surprised if I lost 10 lbs this month, this workout has some new moves and takes anywhere between 30 and 60 minutes depending on how much time you have to give to it. If you can get past the editorial hyperbole, I think you might like it. We did it at the gym today and it kicked our butts! So throw those resolutions in high gear and join the Gym Buddies and I this month. This is your month, people and I want to hear all about it! Who's in with me?
Shape Magazine Workout Scans
*note: This workout uses a weighted ball but there is nothing special about the ball. If you don't have a ball, use a dumbbell or a milk jug or two soup cans. You can even do the moves without any weights at all! (Click the images to enlarge)
Karate surprised me. As you may recall, I informed Sensei Don at the beginning of the Experiment that I was less interested in the mental aspects of Karate and more interested in the killing people. He was kind enough to tell me some things about the more lethal aspects but also gently guided me back toward the mental and spiritual aspects of the martial art. It turns out that to do the former well, you have to be good at the latter.
This irritated me. I don't like busy work and the standing basics and kata repetitions were a bit reminiscent of Madonna/Gwyneth Paltrow's 100-rep workout. Usually it entailed me ordering one of the Gym Buddies to count to 100 while I chattered and used them for free therapy (they're very good to me!). But somewhere along the way, I started to realize what Sensei Don meant.
Three Life Lessons I Have Learned From 30 Days of Karate 1. When Someone Pushes, Pull Them Towards You. One of the things Sensei Don taught us was a game called "Sticky Hands." Check out this video to watch as Gym Buddy Allison and I explain the game and give a very giggly demonstration of how to do it (Yes, I know how very unKarate like we look. You think this was bad, you should have seen us in the Dojo. Sensei Don is nothing if not patient.)
No, I'm not getting ready to feel up Allison. Seriously, YouTube - what's up with that??
The hard part of the game is that it is counter-intuitive. What is your gut reaction when someone pushes you? To push back, of course! But Karate taught me the power in pulling them in closer - not only do you use their momentum against them but it usually unbalances them. And I discovered that this little lesson applies to more than just punches and shirt grabs.
This past month I was having an intense emotional struggle with one of my good friends. I won't detail the cattiness that ensued but succificeth to say I ended up at the gym in tears one night. As I bit my lip and tried not to look like the 12-year-old I really am, I remembered the Sticky Hands game and something Sensei Don had told me: "The hardest part is giving up control to the other person." You know what a control freak I am. But I decided that he was right. There was no point in fighting with a person who was dear to me. Instead, I let her decide when and if to throw the (emotional) punches. When she did, instead of retaliating or feeling hurt, I simply drew her into me. I did my best to redirect the hurt and be gentle while she worked through her own momentum. I can't even tell you what a difference that made. Within days, my peace was restored. I found that to get control, I had to give it up first.
2. There Is Beauty In the Details. This is the part I wanted most to skip over in my Karate training. The kata is like a dance but made up of stances, kicks and punches. A very stilted and formal dance. With no music. Unless you count the funny "ki-ya"s we got to do. And yet because Sensei Don told us it was important to learn, the Gym Buddies and I did our best to squelch our silliness and practiced it faithfully several times a day. Although we may have broken out into Rockette kicks on a few occasions. It couldn't be helped.
Then one day I realized I liked it. There was a sense of mastery in remembering the order and I felt amazingly accomplished the first time we all got it right. (There was screaming and a few cheerleader jumps. No chest bumping though - Gym Buddy Megan is pregnant, remember?)
How much do I hate the sound of my voice on video? It sounds so much better in my head!
But the moment when I truly realized its worth was when we performed it for Sensei Don. He stepped in and showed us what we had really learned: a sequence of moves that was not arbitrary, like I had thought, but was designed to block and attack a certain offense. And when I did it right, it worked! In all the self-defense classes I've taken, I've never actually ended up with a move that really worked. And now I had three! I was positively giddy. I went home and tried them on my husband. They worked on him too! That is until he decided to just throw me over his shoulder and tickle me until I threatened to pee on him. That little technique isn't covered in self-defense books but I've had good results with it.
The first time I felt this strength was during one of the first lessons when Sensei Don asked if he could touch my throat. He had no way of knowing that that is my absolute panic spot. Even now, thinking about it, makes my heart pound and the bile rise in my throat. I don't let anyone touch my neck, not even my children. I believe my response was to throw Gym Buddy Megan under the bus. "Can you do it on her?" Sensei Don replied that he would but he wanted me to feel where the pressure points on the neck were. And so I said yes. And you know what? I was okay. Not great - I did tear up a bit but I don't think anyone noticed - but I was okay. And now I know that about myself.
The second time was much more dramatic. After all those weeks of drills, Sensei Don finally deemed us ready to punch something. So he got out his pads and showed us a drill where we did two punches and a block as hard as we could for two minutes straight. Now, I have done intervals. And I will tell you that this rivals the 800m sprint as the highest intensity interval training I have ever done. It had something that sprinting does not though: I got to hit stuff. Within just a few punches I discovered the satisfying thrill of smashing my hand into something - hard. It felt really good. In fact, it felt so good that I didn't realize until after the first interval was over that my left hand had two split knuckles and I was about to leave blood spatter in the Dojo. I quickly taped it up though because I didn't want to miss my next interval and Sensei Don was not stopping the clock for me.
For some reason that I still can't fully explain, all that punching did something to me. Like my knuckles, something inside me split open and while it hurt, it felt good to get it out. I cried when I got home and it wasn't because of the pain in my hands (although seriously, that hurt! I do not recommend splitting your knuckles). Afterwards I felt lighter than I have in a really long time. It was a high that didn't leave me for days. I even dreamt about installing my own makiwara (a leather punching/kicking post) in my basement so I could do it again.
I learned that those tides of emotions that overwhelm me at times can be controlled without repressing them. And they can be experienced without being consumed by them.
For a good example of control, check out Sensei Don first breaking a board (don't blink or you'll miss it, he makes it look that easy) and then demonstrating the practical application of the move on Good Sport Bill, another student.
Conclusions
So how was Karate as a workout? That was the original point of this Experiment, right? It was fairly rigorous. Like many workouts it is as hard as you make it. Sensei Don kept things tough for us by having us do daily conditioning exercises like push-ups (although never again on our knuckles), sit-ups and squats. At his Dojo he came up with some circuit training that involved functional weight exercises specific to Karate movements that we were training. And of course the repeated punches and kicks could definitely bring on a good sweat. We added some free weights and cardio of our own as well as daily standing basics and kata drills. Despite never targeting specific muscles groups with our Karate training, I found that my shoulders and upper arms got some additional muscle definition.
Karate was definitely one of my most favorite Experiments. Generally as the Gym Buddies and I get to the end of the month, it gets harder to motivate ourselves to do the workout. We're ready to be done and move on to the next thing. This time however, I wished I had more time to continue it. One month was simply not enough to learn everything that I want to know about Karate. Don't worry though, Sensei Don and I are in talks to continue with the lessons so I'll get my punching fix somehow!
For kicks and giggles, here is Sensei Don performing his favorite move on Bill. Kill Bill!
So tell me: those of you who have martial arts experience - was it like this for you? Was anyone else surprised by the mental aspects like I was? Have any of the rest of you experienced a mental or spiritual element in conjunction with a particular kind of workout?
PS> Tomorrow I'll announce January's Great Fitness Experiment - and it's one EVERYBODY can follow along with this time. Perfect for New Year's Resolutions or just a change up, so no excuses this time! I even enlisted an additional Gym Buddy, Krista, to join us. Also, look for upcoming posts on binge eating and compulsive exercise as requested by several readers in the comments!
Some days are easy workout days. Which is fine. I have learned - many times over as I am a remarkably slow learner - that you don't have to hammer yourself on every workout. Last week was one of those weeks where I had blood-sweat-and-tears workouts on six out of six days. (More on that later.) So it was only appropriate that today's workout, a la The Monkey Bar Gym, was giggly, girly and short.
We started out with a lesson on kipping pull-ups. For the uninitiated, kipping pull-ups are used in everything from functional fitness workouts to CrossFit to playground double-dog dares. The gist is that you swing your body back and forth, using your momentum to help get your chin over the bar. They are supposed to be easier than normal start-from-a-dead-hang pull-ups. Which I suppose they would be if I had any coordination.
Kipping pull-ups are my fitness Waterloo - in my previous life as a gymnast, we used to do "kip-ups" as a way to swing into a starting position on the low bar. I loved kip-ups. They were even, dare I say it, easy. Which is probably why I am so frustrated that kipping pull-ups are completely beyond me. Anyhow, I am determined that I shall do a kipping pull-up someday and in the meantime am dragging all the Gym Buddies along on my quest for true pull-up mastery.
My How-To seminar was clicking along nicely until we hit a snag: nobody could even figure out how to do the kipping pull-up prep. Gym Buddy Lisseth tried to help me out by starting out spread-eagled in the squat cage and then jumping up at the bar with both her arms and legs bent. What we got was a hanging, grunting crotch shot. "What are my legs doing?" she screamed. "It's like I'm giving birth!!" (It's true - her knees were up by her ears, just like you see in birthing class... except she was hanging from a bar.) This caused the rest of us - pregnant and non-pregnant alike - to fall on the floor laughing so hard that visions of leaky waterballoons danced in our heads. You've heard of water births. Prepare for the next wave of SuperMamas: air birthing.
I'm afraid that the laughter only intensified when a kind-hearted but equally clueless man came over to help us figure out the kipping pull-up. You think a woman air birthing is awesome? Try a man. Not only did I pee a little but by I cried a bit too.
Since we weren't getting much of a workout - except for our abs, those sure were worked good! - we decided to move to handstand push-ups. Silliness reigned however and after a few half-hearted tries we switched to a plain old 5th-grade handstand contest. Gym Buddy Krista scared us all by falling over backwards, only to redeem herself with a neatly executed tuck-and-roll. We clapped and cheered (and got more of The Look) like we were 10 and the Jonas Brothers had popped in for a round on the ellipticals. Gym Buddy Allison impressed everyone with her snazzy workout socks that we never get to see because for some crazy reason we usually have our shoes on before almost taking out a random elderly woman. Did I mention we were doing our handstands in the alcove at the top of the stairs? Ahem. Gym Buddy Megan, busily gestating, did not do handstands but assured us the fetus was. And for my grand finale, I did an impressive backwards handstand walk... all the way into the closed elevator. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a bruise.
I think our workout today can be summed up by saying half the gym thought we were better than Comedy Central and were thisclose to throwing dollar bills at us while the other half wanted to kill us and are probably blogging about how to hide our bodies as we speak.
How does one redeem oneself from such a workout? By telling you what we did last week. Gym Buddy Shalom - she of the 4 minutes of Bosu ab hell - challenged us to do The Hardest Strength Workout Ever. She got it from one of her classes that she's taking for her Exercise Science degree. It is 33 minutes of pain, people. But we did it. And now I'm challenging you.
The Muscle Endurance Workout
Perform each exercise without stopping for one minute. If you or anyone in your group stops to rest, you must start the minute over. Take a 30-second break between each exercise. Perform the exercises in the order they are written. Weights listed are for women, men need to up theirs accordingly. Try not to weep. Especially when you get to #12. PS> Go potty before you start. Especially if you've birthed children.
1. Lateral raises (8 lbs)
2. Tricep dips with legs extended
3. Hammer curls (10 lbs)
4. Pec deck flys (25 lbs on the machine or 15 lbs in each hand if using free weights)
5. Lat pull downs (40 lbs)
6. Jumping squats
7. Push ups
8. Plyo box jumps (just jump onto a tall step or weight bench. Take off with both feet and land with both feet.)
9. Jumping jacks
10. Jump rope
11. Step ups
12. Bench jumps (place hands on weight bench or high step with both legs on one side. Jump both legs together over the bench to the other side. Immediately jump back. Repeat.)
13. Plank
14. Crunches
15. Mountain climbers
16. Hanging calf raises
17. Split squat jumps
18. Weighted ball twists
19. Pilates one hundred (go the full minute - not just until you count to 100, you wuss.)
20. Tricep hover (also known as the Really Hard Part of chaturanga push-ups)
21. Skull crushers (8 lbs each hand)
22. Barbell bicep curl (20 lbs)
So, who's going to give it a try? Anyone help us out with the kipping pull-ups??
Branching out beyond the adorable-yet-small-thinking tiny tots with their eyes all aglow crowd, Santa Claus made a pit stop at the YMCA this year. In an effort to reach an older and more lucrative crowd, while coal was not on the agenda - although I'm sure the resourceful and charitable Y folk would have found some use for it that would not have ended in pollution (new class! Functional fitness by pitching coal!) - lots of good fitness girls and boys were rewarded with exercise toys galore. A full line of TRXs were hung by the chimney with care and visions of kettlebells danced in the air. (And that, friends, is the closest to poetry I will ever get. I hope you enjoyed it.)
New fitness gadgets! Be still my heart. As you will recall, the versatile TRX is my number one recommendation for people looking for a home or traveling strength training system and kettlebells are one of the best workouts combining strength training and cardio that I've ever tried. So I was very excited to see that the fitness director was offering free classes throughout the month of February in not only the TRX and kettlebells but also something else I've long fantasized about: the Pilates Reformer. I promptly signed up all the Gym Buddies and myself for the Reformer and the kettlebells classes. (Seeing as my TRX Great Fitness Experiment was so recent, I didn't do that class.) I was specifically interested in pitting these two classes back to back - on the same day, even - as I get so many questions on this website about the opposing training methodologies that underlie each type of training.
Kettlebells
First up was kettlebells. My number one complaint about my Great Fitness Kettlebell Experiment last September was that I never got any live instruction with the little iron wonders and while they have similar properties to a dumbbell, they are not used in the same way a dumbbell is. Hours of reading and Go Fit! videos and online tutorials by the KB Queen notwithstanding, I still felt like I would have used them better with a little in-person help. Enter my free lesson.
It started off well with Gym Buddy Allison and I forgetting that I had signed us up for the class. Thankfully Krista was on the ball and reminded us by shooting emphatic looks at us through the studio windows until we clued in. We made it in at the last second. Warm-ups were light floor aerobics, entertaining mostly because Allison forgot she wasn't in Hip Hop Hustle and did a very cool dip in the middle of her grapevine left. Which would've looked cool if she weren't the only one dipping. And if we'd had Turbo Jennie's disco ball going. As it was, we just giggled a lot.
The class itself was a 30-minute butt-kicker. I knew the power of kettlebells to get the heart rate pumping but it was even better having someone else kick my butt rather than me yelling random instructions at the Gym Buddies. I completely pitted out my shirt in the first 10 minutes. The rest was just sweaty gravy. In addition to the KB swings, lunges and presses that we were used to, we got to try out a few new moves, my favorite being the one where you hold the handle and rotate the 'bell around your head. I believe the move was called an "around the world" and not only was it a great shoulder burn but it was also good for my ego. (My head being the world. Get it??) My only complaint with the class was that the instructors didn't do much to teach proper kettlebell form resulting in one Gym Buddy with bad back pain, a common first-time kettlebell complaint. Although the teacher later told me that in the paid classes, emphasizing and correcting proper form would be a priority.
The underlying principle of kettlebells, as I understand it, is twofold: a) whatever you do, keep moving and b) lift heavy. Other proponents of the lift-heavy and don't-rest-between-sets crowd include my fave The Monkey Bar Gym, my love-to-hate CrossFit and traditional body builders everywhere. They promise a lean, cut, muscular look sculpted in a short but intense workout. You remember CrossFit chick right?
Pilates Reformer
On the complete other end of the fitness spectrum is the Pilates Reformer. The underlying principles of Pilates include breathing, centering, concentration, control, precision and flowing movement. Less explicitly stated is the reliance on higher reps and lower weight with resistance provided primarily by the person's body weight and the Reformer machine. Proponents of this school of thought include the ubiquitous Tracey Anderson (trainer of Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow and author of last year's Ballerina Fitness Experiment). Anderson recommends never lifting any weight more than 3 pounds, doing lots of dance cardio and the Pilates Reformer at least twice a week.
Being leery of celebrity trainer types, I was excited to see what our Y Pilates Reformer instructor would have to say on the subject. Long, lean & toned - the quintessential Pilates bod - she made a good argument in favor of Pilates without even saying a word. When I asked her what her personal workout routine looked like she answered that, like Anderson, she advocates at least two days a week on the Reformer all though she did accede that for some of us that might be cost prohibitive. In addition she does a couple of mat Pilates classes and occasionally mixes it up with Free Motion machines (strength machines that focus on weight training without limiting your range of motion like traditional weight machines do) and some cardio on the elliptical.
The workout was quiet and relaxed compared to the Kettlebell class we had just completed and yet my muscles, especially my core, still quaked with each exertion. Rather than motion, there was a lot of emphasis on control and synchronizing the movements with our breathing. My favorite move was a sliding plank that hit everything from my core to my butt to my shoulders. We only had to do six reps and I grateful for that as I was quite sure I could not have eked out even one more. It doesn't help that the Reformer even looks like a medieval torture device.
After the workout, I hit the teacher with the question I'd been waiting all day to ask - one that I get from you guys with some frequency - "Do you think that Pilates and yoga on their own are enough strength training?" Her answer? "Yes." While she didn't specifically speak against traditional weight lifting, like Anderson does, she did say that she has gotten great results for herself and her clients with just Pilates. It made me think Experiment Time! (Anyone have a free Reformer they want to lend me for a month?? I'll take really good care of it and promise to never ever hang my clothing on it or make jokes about the Bowflex in its presence!)
The False Dichotomy
Despite the title of my post, I do believe there is room in a person's training regimen for both kettlebells and Pilates if they so wish. I thoroughly enjoyed both classes and would do either one again in a heartbeat (especially when my money from Nigeria comes through!) However, it seems to me that people tend to gravitate towards one methodology over the other. Some people just seem to enjoy lifting hard and heavy while others really like slower and lighter. For myself, if left to my own devices, I would do yoga all day every day and nothing else. Sadly, my genetics do not seem to agree with my idea of a yoga body. And let's be honest, I'm way too ADD to stick with one thing.
So what is it for you? Do you prefer the kettlebell way of working out or the Pilates method? Or do you consider yourself a jack of all fitness trades? Do you think Pilates/yoga is enough when it comes to strength training? Anyone else want Gwyneth Paltrow to just shut up already about how "normal" and "average" she is and just admit she's got rockstar genes and piles of cash and she likes it?
It's big, it's bad, it PUTS THE X IN EXTREME!!! (It also puts the yelling into infomercials!) That's right, after over a year of pleading from you guys, I've finally got a hold of a copy of P90X for a Great Fitness Experiment! At $140, this workout is a little out of my budget and sadly I'm not cool enough to get them to give me an evaluation copy but fortunately for me Christmas came twice this year. See, Gym Buddy Megan's husband Sensei Don got her P90X for Christmas and she generously offered to share the love (and pain) with me.
For those of you who have not been sucked into one of their mesmerizing infomercials - they're everywhere, even on QVC! - nor have been accosted by one of the many P90X devotees - they're almost as rabid as CrossFitters! - it's a series of 12 intense workouts and a diet plan designed to take you from Pillsbury doughboy to winner of the bake sale ('cause you're cooking beefcake!). You do a different workout each day, 6 days a week for 3 months.
In addition to all this, P90X has the one aspect in a workout that is like catnip to me. No, it's not buff shirtless men doing crazy pull-ups (although it does have plenty of that). It's a challenge. This is not one of those "it's so fun you won't even know you're working out!" workouts. This is a "I will beat your body into submission and you will lie in a puddle of your own sweat and thank me for it" workouts. Apparently in my mind, P90X is the dominatrix of fitness (my "issues" duly noted.) They even have a test you have to pass before you are authorized to do the workout! I love tests! I love numbers! I love elitism!! Seriously, the best way to get me to try a workout is to tell me you think I can't handle it. Strangely this tactic does not work with household chores.
The Gym Buddies and I did the test before January's Great Personal Training Fitness Experiment with Lindsey and passed, except for one thing: women are supposed to be able to do one pull-up. There was a time when Gym Buddy Allison and I would have snorted derisively at one measly pull-up. As they are wont to do, our newly born children have made us humble. None of us could get higher than halfway. But tonight as Megan and I did Day 1 of the program, I discovered that I could eke one out! (Yes, I jumped a little. I'm still counting it.) This is important to me because there was an incident in college where I got locked out of my apartment and had I been able to do a pull up onto our deck I would have saved myself the humiliation of having to ask the boys next door to break into my own house for me and then promise to wash their car in a bikini before they'd let me in. (Which I totally didn't do, by the way.) So thank you for saving me from future embarrassments Lindsey! After one month we will repeat the test.
Megan and Don are going to be playing the program straight, doing the whole 90 days and the diet plan - a high-protein low carb plan similar to South Beach. Myself and the other Gym Buddies are only committed for February. I will not be doing the diet plan (more on that tomorrow.)
Unfortunately, this is going to be one of those Experiments that will be very difficult to follow along with at home unless you own the DVDs or are willing to buy them. (Check your local library! Many have exercise DVDs and you might just get lucky!) But after you read about tomorrow's workout (an hour of plyometrics - my quads are burning just thinking about it) you may be grateful for that.
Having just finished Day 1 of our Fitness Challenge Experiment with Lindsey, the Gym Buddies and I all got our body fat percentage tested so we'd have our official results from November and December's Rachel Cosgrove Experiment. I posted last night about my results from it but these new numbers were so stunning I had to add an update. Seriously, any of you who are still undecided about heavy lifting and minimal endurance cardio, this will be the push you need! Just try it!
Me: Today I got the same trainer to take my body fat as I did a month ago and I'm down 7% according to her measurements. (The other trainer gave me a drop of 5% on Saturday. Yes, I had my body fat tested twice in three days and yes I know that's nuts.) So I lost 5-7% body fat, either of which is a massive success.
Allison: Down between 5% and 8%, which is impressive alone but considering she started at the very low end of the body fat scale makes it even more remarkable. (But don't lose any more girl - you need some fat to live!)
This pic amuses me because I found it on a site under the heading of "preschool crafts". It's titled "Build a sand castle with tin cans." Uh-huh, sure. You're going to write your kid's college admissions essay too aren't you?
"Why are you buying play sand in the middle of a blizzard?" The cashier at home depot looked at me suspiciously as if a mom with 4 kids in tow (and by "in tow" I mean "running in circles around the cart throwing paint cards at each other while the 4-year-old tantrumed next to the candy he couldn't have") would have ulterior motives. "You building them an indoor playground or something?" Ah, she thinks I've lost my mind!
"An indoor sandbox? Certainly not." I may be addled but I'm not insane. "Actually the sand is for a workout." She looked confused so I explained, "I have these canvas bags, see, and I fill them with sand to make them heavier. So I can lift them." I made a weak bicep curling motion.
"Why don't you just use dumbbells?"
Good question. Perfect question in fact. Back when we first Experimented with kettlebells we also got that question a lot. "Why are you swinging those things in here? Just use the weights like a normal non-freakish person already!" But we quickly learned that kettlebells are not just balls with handles. They're canon balls with handles. And it's that very swinging action that makes all the difference between a traditional free-weight workout and a kettlebell workout.
I grabbed my screaming toddler, scooping him up in my arms. Of course he did what he does best: he made a scene flailing and trying to toss himself out of my arms onto the hard concrete floor. Over the screaming I yelled, "The key is the sandbags are an unstable weight! So you have to work harder to lift and stabilize them, just like this..." I looked down at my suddenly still child. "What are you doing?" I hissed. He lay perfectly limp in my arms. The cashier peered over the counter curiously. I jiggled him. "Come on!" His eyes remained closed without a hint of flutter, his little mouth slack and drooling. Had he tantrumed himself into a seizure? I set him down on the bag of sand and we all stared at him. Never have I seen a 4-year-old so absolutely still.
"Should I call someone?" The cashier ventured. At which point he exploded.
"Stop wooking at me! Can't you see I'm invisible??" Mystery solved.
Which brings me to the main reason I am so excited to try sandbags for February's Great Fitness Experiment: sure they're an unstable weight that activates all kinds of smaller muscles and your core and makes weight lifting exponentially more difficult and therefore more rewarding. But the best part is the sandbag is an unstable weight that doesn't humiliate me in public. Yet.
Proof that even the skinniest girl will look bloated if she stands wrong. And this is how 80% of Star magazine's headlines are born...
Increased muscle growth, faster recovery, increased endurance, less body fat, reversal of the beginning stages of heart failure and greater mental acuity (about a 10 point increase in IQ!) are just a few of the many benefits of the supplement creatine. Benefits, I might add, that are very well supported by reliable research as creatine is possibly the most researched athletic supplement out there. So why isn't everyone running to take this miracle in a powder? Indeed, it's estimated that upwards of 75% of professional athletes and Olympians take it so why aren't more of us average Janes taking it?
That's the question I found myself asking as I read about it in several fitness books this past week. It isn't that I've never heard of it before - you can't spend more than 10 minutes on a weight floor without somebody sprinkling white powder into their drink (note: if they're sprinkling white powder into your drink you are in one of the few situations in which it is totally appropriate to drop a weight on someone's foot) - I just figured it was one of those kooky things that bodybuilders did, you know like wrapping chains around their bench press bar and making sex noises during every rep. But after reading breathless reports of its amazing powers and virtual lack of side effects, I took it as a sign when I found a small canister on clearance at Target. I bought it.
Perhaps I should not buy supplements on clearance at a mega-grocery store but that's a discussion for another day. At any rate, I took my first dose yesterday. The white sparkly powder (seriously, Edward Cullen is jealous) didn't dissolve well in the recommended 8 oz of water but it also didn't taste like anything so I chugged it down and went about my business. An hour later this was me:
Okay so this isn't ME me but my belly was so swollen I pretty much looked 4-months pregnant like J.Lo. here (p.s. Elvis only wishes he could design a maternity line this awesome). While creatine doesn't have any serious side effects - anecdotal reports of severe cramping and dehydration have been disproven in studies - it does have one very uncomfortable side effect: Bloating. And not just "my period is imminent, hide the cookies" bloating but "holy crap, if you poke me with a pin I'll turn into an elephant sprinkler" bloating. While I peed like a racehorse for the rest of the day and the bloating was gone within a few hours, still, I was not happy. Before I tell you more about my little experiment, here are some FAQs about the supplement. (Read here for more info and hilarious answers.)
What is Creatine?
Creatine, an organic compound produced naturally from amino acids in our kidneys and liver and stored in our muscles, was first discovered in the 1800's. By the early 1900's it was already in use as a performance aid (and I mean that in the non-Levitra sense, egads marketing has warped me!). This extensive history has made it one of the most studied supplements on the planet.
There are several different types of creatine and prices range from pennies a serving to $120 for a small canister. Creatine monohydrate, the kind I took that made me inflate like a Macy's Parade float, is the cheapest and most common. Other types of creatine like creatine ethyl ester are supposed to not have the bloating/gas side effect but of course they cost more. And you don't find them on clearance at Target, precluding any "the universe made me buy it" arguments.
How do you use Creatine?
Most sources recommend "loading" for the first 4-5 days by taking 20-30 grams a day with afterwards taking 5-10 grams a day for maintenance. You maintain this load for about 6 weeks and then you stop the creatine for 2-6 weeks before starting a new cycle. Although I did read several recommendations that said to never stop taking it, just to repeat the loading every couple of months.
Most sites I read recommend taking one dose within a half hour of finishing your weight workout and a second right before bed (presumably so you go through the distended-whale stage in your sleep). Make sure that no matter when you take it, you are drinking a ton of water.
What are the effects of Creatine?
It works by drawing water into your muscles and because of this it has the dual effect of 1) making your "pump" or the visible size of your muscles look larger and 2) making you gain weight about 1.5-6 pounds during the first week as your body retains this extra water. The water weight is lost after stopping the creatine but you retain the extra muscle you built - in studies athletes on creatine gained about 5 pounds more of muscle than athletes not on creatine doing the same training program.
Should I be capitalizing Creatine?
I have no idea.
After doing all this research on it, I am super intrigued by the benefits but I have one main concern. It's the weight gain. Don't even pretend you are surprised. While I'm still not weighing myself (two months now scale free, yay me!!) the thought of doing something that could make me gain 5 pounds in one week makes me want to run and cry in my closet just for old time's sake. I don't care if it is water weight. When your pants don't fit, your pants don't fit. I also am not thrilled about my muscles getting "bigger." Yes, I love my new Rachel Cosgrove muscles and I love being strong but I don't necessarily want them any bigger. Less body fat? Higher metabolism? More energy? Yes, please! But I'd like those without the hypertrophy.
Unsurprisingly, when I threw this question out on Twitter, the only people who responded that they had taken it were men. I think a lot of women are scared away from creatine for the same reasons that I am: we don't want to gain weight and we don't want bigger muscles. But what about our lack of testosterone - wouldn't that inherently limit our muscle growth? (And since creatine is not a hormone it would not impact our testosterone or estrogen levels.) And if we're gaining weight but it's all muscle, isn't that a good thing? Plus: TEN IQ POINTS. Who doesn't want to be smarter? (Notice how the reversal of heart disease doesn't even make my top 3? Hahaha...)
Ummm... this would be the advanced section of outdoor exercise.
I do not like being cold. Also, I am cold all the time. Knowing these two facts will tell you pretty much everything you need to know about me. It why I hate swimming (also known as controlled drowning). It's why big fuzzy socks are my go-to gift (both for others and for myself). It's why I avoid Black Friday like the plague (Cyber Monday however did some wallet damage). It's also the 3rd main reason I married my husband - in addition to loving and honoring, he promised to let me put my ice-cube tootsies on him until I fall asleep; it's in our vows and everything. (In case you are curious, reason #1 was he is the smartest, kindest, handsomest man I have ever met and reason #2 was he proposed with a Cracker Jack ring - how do you say no to that?!)
So if I won't venture outside of my toasty house for even the lure of the best sale of the year, it goes without saying that outdoor running, biking, hiking, swimming and frisbee are out of the question until I can breathe without snot-cicles forming. But a girl's still got to get her sweat on, even if she does live in the frozen wasteland of the north. (Dear Global Warming, Can you please move a little faster? You are awesome and I love you. Kidding. Mostly. Please don't write me irate environmental e-mails.)
Of course working out in cold weather is easy if you have a gym membership and a car to get you there but there are lots of other options for the more frugal:
1. Go outside anyways. Some of you like this. For instance, Nitmos of Feet Meet Street loves running so much that the only concession he makes to the weather is in his choice of clothing. (Of course, this is the same man who measures the windchill by the amount of "nipple erectus" he is sporting so take his advice as you will.) Seriously though, there are lots of fun outdoor options like snowshoeing and cross-country skiing and snowboarding that are only available in the winter and even I will stop whining about my frozen phalanges once I break a sweat. Just make sure you wear gloves and cover your ears - no matter how warm and sweaty your core gets, your extremities will still be ice blocks.
2. Make a home gym. I know, I know, I said cheap tips and these can get pretty pricey but you don't need fancy equipment to get a good sweat! Do you have stairs? Run them. Yes, your cat will look at you like you're out of your freaking mind but that's what cats do. Do you have a long-ish piece of rope and a banister to run it through? (No, there will not be a knot-tying test you Boy Scout, you.) You can do pretty much every move from the TRX workouts with just a rope. Yeah, it's better with the TRX (man, I love that thing and no they're not paying me to say that) but you don't have to have one to use your own bodyweight against you.
3. Bodyweight exercises. You can do these anytime anywhere. Impress your boss by pumping out one push-up for every copy that comes out of the machine (just don't do this on annual-report printing day. Unless you're Chuck Norris.) Put your back foot up on a chair and do Bulgarian Split Squats (also known as chair lunges for those of us who can't find Bulgaria on a map with a compass and an East European field guide) while you check your voice mail. Do wall sits during conference calls (and if anyone questions why you sound constipated tell them you are and then just enjoy the awkward silence that will inevitably follow). You are only limited by your threshold for public embarrassment.
4. Online fitness tutorials. Hello, YouTube! There are free workouts doing everything from CrossFit to Pilates to Kettlebells and many are posted by professionals (that are then hoping you'll buy their books and DVDs, natch). Netflix also offers tons of fitness vids and you can even stream them instantly to your computer or TV! There are also free websites dedicated to just this kind of thing. My absolute favorite: Bodyrock.tv ! We talked about the fitness-porn aspect of Zuzanna's site before but I haven't told you (well now I have) how I have fallen completely in love with her workouts. They are hardcore! And frankly, if I had her crazy cut abs I'd probably dress like that too. (No I wouldn't. Not even six-pack abs can hide these stretch marks.) Want to start hard? Her Sexy Beast workout kicked the Gym Buddies and my butts. KICKED. Plus, she requires very minimal equipment. This workout only needs a broom and two chairs!
5. DVDs. They're kind of the go-to indoor workout but I have to be honest with you: I don't really get a good sweat from DVD's, not even with Jillian Michaels "shredding" me. (I know, it's blasphemy.) I don't know if it's the boredom factor or that I hate being able to recite their jokes along with them (you know I love you Tony Horton but I need P90X in real time) but I rarely do these. Yet I was recently reminded that they can be a fun change of pace when I tried out the Bad Kitty Sassy Fitness Bootcamp DVD. It's hip hop. It's boot camp. It... kinda defies description. But it was really fun! And decently difficult too. Plus, anyone that wears glitter studded cuffs and leopard burnout tanks is my kind of Gym Buddy.
I have a disgusting confession to make. I went 54 hours without a shower. But wait, it gets worse - I did five workouts during that time period. So in addition to leg stubble that could cut a brotha and armpit hair that would have made me the envy of the Lillith Fair, I had the stank of five sweaty workouts slicked and then dried onto my skin. Normally I'm not this hygiene challenged but circumstances and a packed workout schedule (concerns about over exercising duly noted) produced a confluence of nastiness hitherto unprecedented. Which is how I came to be introducing myself thusly:
Man at Power Plate Gym: Hi, I'm James and I'll be your personal trainer today!
Me: Hi, I'm Charlotte from The Great Fitness Experiment and I stink!
James: Oh, well, um, really? I can't smell you.
Me: And you seem too nice to tell me if you did. But seriously, I reek. So, I'll just apologize in advance.
James: Ah, okay. No worries. We always wipe down the equipment after each client.
After that inauspicious beginning, I began my first workout on the Power Plate, a large-ish machine with handles and a rubber padded platform that you stand on. It's all very beam-me-up-Scotty minus the pointy ears. So I did my best William Shatner and stood confidently on the machine. Well, as confident as I could be standing on a very big, very expensive piece of equipment that I had absolutely no idea what to do with.
James stepped in to rescue me from myself. After pointing out all the buttons on the Power Plate and saying a lot of science-y things about megahertz and g-forces and actually using the formula Force = mass X acceleration properly in a sentence, he got to the point. "What makes the Power Plate unique is the vibrating platform. The vibrations engage 30% more muscle fibers."
I tried to nod but by that point the machine was quietly humming while I held a static 90-degree squat. Normally I can talk during a squat (heck, normally not much can stop me from talking as the Gym Buddies will attest) but the vibrations went from my toes to my head, causing a not unpleasant tingly feeling. The best I could manage without my teeth chattering was a "hummmooooooowwwwwaaaaa" that sounded exactly like when you talk into an oscillating fan. Which of course made me giggle. Which made me notice that even my cheeks were vibrating. Which made me giggle even harder.
James was a very good sport through all of this, pausing to let me say silly things like "Luke, I am your faaaattthhhhhaaaaaa" and even laughing good naturedly despite the fact that I'm sure I'm not his first client to pull such shenanigans. He patientely explained that the thing that makes the Power Plate unique among fitness gadgetry is that due to the vibrations you "feel like you are working less but your muscles are actually working harder."
"So you perceive your exertion to be less but you are really getting a better workout?"
"Yes, and in a shorter amount of time." The typical Power Plate workout lasts about 30 minutes.
More for less. Which, correct me if I'm wrong, is the holy grail of exercisers everywhere. But the question was, would the Power Plate deliver on that promise or would it end up like those vibrating exercisers of yore?
James led me through an entire workout focusing mainly on lower body and core. I did squats, weighted lunges, rows, bridges and even a plank all while vibrating at approximately 35 times a second. Other than making my fatty bits jiggle embarrassingly, it felt a lot like a traditional body-weight workout. It was hard to compare my rate of perceived exertion due to the fact that I was so entranced by the vibrating that I kept forgetting to focus on my body but I'm pretty sure I didn't work out as hard as I normally would have. It's also hard to measure something like "30% more muscle activation" but I did feel like I was using muscles to stabilize myself that rarely got used.
At one point James instructed, "Stop moving your foot."
"I'm not," I answered, trying to keep my teeth from knocking together.
"You are," he replied, pointing at my toes.
I looked down. Sure enough my foot was dancing around all of its own accord. How embarrassing. I tried to put a stop to it but I couldn't really feel it moving, leaving me with the dilemma of launching into a full-on softshoe or using my other foot to hold it down. Thankfully the machine stopped vibrating saving me from what could only end in further giggling.
James then instructed me to drink water telling me that the vibrations would cause a lympatic "cleansing." I had no idea that the lymph system could "cleanse" or what that would mean (more peeing?) but apparently you helped the process along by drinking lots of water.
"So how do you feel?" he asked solicitously when I was all done getting smellier.
"Tingly."
"And...?"
The owner of the studio interjected, "You might not feel sore tomorrow; we always go pretty conservative on the first workout."
But the thing was, I was starting to feel a little tight in my legs which from previous experience usually indicates that I will be sore the next day. In addition, I sweated (swote? swotted?) plenty so I know I was working something.
My Conclusions
Does the Power Plate provide a more intense workout than traditional weight training exercises? Perhaps, but I think you could achieve the same level of exertion without the fancy machinery, it might just take you longer. The real selling point for me about the workout was not that it offered the fitness equivalent of a proceed-directly-to-go-and-collect-200$ card but rather all the attention that came with it. Every time you use the thing, you get a personal trainer. The monthly fee was about what you'd pay for a membership at a nicer gym but when you consider that you are getting a personal training session every time you go in (and they do have other equipment like cardio machines to round out your workout), then the fee becomes a screaming deal.
So my recommendation is that if you have a Power Plate in your gym already, it's definitely worth checking out. It was one of the most unique workouts I've ever tried and definitely ranked high on the entertainment factor. Also, if you are interested in hiring a personal trainer long term then a gym like Fit U is a great deal. (Thanks to Dennis for the tip! And to Candice, Keith and James for the great experience!)
Fragile. Tiny. Vulnerable. Weak. I'll admit it: I liked being those things. For a long time (most of my life?), I enjoyed people grabbing my arm and cooing "Oh, I've never seen such a tiny wrist!" I liked that men got things down from high shelves for me without me even having to ask. I liked how boyfriends stood protectively around me, their arms a barrier between me and everything that was scary. I liked how I could punch a male friend on the arm and he'd just laugh. I liked being the damsel in distress, liked being carried over mud puddles and -heaven help me - liked being rescued. (Yes, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this now.)
Muscles did not fit in with that image I held of myself. In fact, muscles made it hard to fit into all the uber-girly dresses that defined my image. I was one of those girls who would look at Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby and think, "I would never want to look like that, she's way too muscular." I used to covet the spaghetti-like arms of starlets and catwalk models, arms that are widest at the elbow. Besides, female bodybuilders are widely ridiculed in our society; childish women are still the ideal.
Then something inside me began to change. Maybe it was the realization, courtesy of my abusive ex-boyfriend, that the same arms that held me up could also be used to hold me down. I learned that my softness could be used against me. Or maybe it was discovering, as a teacher, that people don't listen to a shrinking violet. Or perhaps it was the epiphany after so many times of falling on my face that there is no one to rescue me. No one but me.
Moreover, now that I'm a mother, I'm the rescuer. I'm the one that has to be strong and steady. I'm the one carrying tiny bodies up six flights of stairs. I'm the one encircling my arms protectively against the harsh realities that fly at my children with alarming force. It's impossible for me to be needy in the face of their bottomless need.
This shift has caused me considerable consternation. If I am not the princess then who am I? A cross-dressing knight with the wrong genitalia? I'm pretty sure there weren't any of those at King Arthur's round table. An Amazon woman in a culture where "amazonian" is generally not a compliment? This ambivalence about being "strong" translated into a strange love-hate relationship with my muscles. I wanted to be strong but I didn't want to look like it and while there are many ways for women to be strong, having distinct muscles is an obvious way to proclaim your strength.
For years I have lived with this competing notion of always wanting to be ever smaller and yet needing to be ever stronger. I'd bemoan a few pounds gained on the scale but rejoice in the pull-ups that new muscle let me do. (Think pull-ups aren't a life skill? Once in college I locked myself out of my apartment with the only way in being through a second story balcony. I enlisted the help of the guy next door. He promptly jumped, pulled himself up and climbed over the railing. I'd been locked out for an hour. He was in in 30 seconds. A feat he and his roommates later repeated to relocate all our furniture to their garage but that's another story. Being able to do a pull-up would have been useful, is all I'm saying.) I'd cry about a dress not fitting but be ecstatic that I could heft the 50-lb bag of flour into my cart at Costco.
Then kickboxing and karate came into my life and the martial arts showed me that not only are muscles handy, they're life-saving. There was something so deeply satisfying, healing even, about punching and kicking. Sure it's not always the strongest one who wins - karate taught me the value of using my weaknesses - but muscles certainly don't hurt.
And that's the beauty of and the problem with strong women: we're immensely powerful. Even more powerful, perhaps, than we know.
All of this is a prelude to telling you about the conclusion of my Great Rachel Cosgrove's The Female Body Breakthrough Fitness Experiment. In a nutshell: I put on some serious muscle. And I think I like it. In the past 4 years of doing fitness Experiments, I've liked a lot of things. I've enjoyed doing the vast majority of the programs I've tried but there are only a few I have loved. CrossFit. Karate. And now this one. This program certainly ranks in my top 3 and is possibly number 1! I know!
What I liked
1. It lives up to its promises. I significantly changed my body composition. Dropping nearly all my steady state cardio (I kept 1-2 days/week of TurboKick) and really lifting heavy made a huge difference. Despite the fact that it flaunts the conventional wisdom that cardio is the all-mighty fat burner, over the past two months I've dropped 1.5 pants sizes (I know, half of a pants size makes no sense but I'm down at least a whole size and in some brands two whole sizes so I averaged that to 1.5.)
2. Real, measurable results. I'm down 5% body fat. (Yes, this month the calipers showed a 5% drop although I think that was probably spread across the two months and the trainer who did my body fat last month was off.) I've lost 1.5 inches off of my waist, 1 inch off each thigh and and half an inch off my hips. I didn't think to measure my shoulders but judging from the way my shirts fit, I'm betting they went up quite a bit. My biceps, chest and calves remained the same. The nice thing about not weighing myself during this Experiment is that I'm pretty sure all this new muscle added up on the scale but seeing as I don't know, I don't care! Seriously, people keep stopping the Gym Buddies and I at the gym to ask what we're doing because we look so different.
3. Nice variety. There are a lot of different weight routines so we didn't get bored. Often I find myself complaining that workouts aren't challenging enough but this one with its four phases had routines basic enough for the total beginner and yet also had workouts that kicked our been-there-bought-the-t-shirt butts. (Hello "complexes" - my butt's been sore for 2 months straight!)
4. The post-workout shakes. I should clarify: I didn't like the smoothies themselves. I never could get past the "chew" factor. (All of you that told me to put chia seeds in there to give it texture? I literally dry heaved on the stretching mats. That's like trying to drink tapioca! Gah, even typing that makes me shudder. Sorry you guys but I detest pudding - even creme brulee reminds me of snot once I get past the sugar shell.) However, I did like the effect the smoothies had. It was so nice to not be all shaky from low blood sugar while trying to collect my children, drive home, and shower before getting time to make myself lunch.
What I Didn't Like
1. Too easy interval training. While I adore high intensity interval (HIIT) workouts, Cosgrove's got boring. We also had a really hard time getting our heart rate up doing them. So after the first month, we switched them out for puketastic Tabata sprints on the treadmill and some harder intervals from bodyrock.tv.
2. The foam rolling. Maybe I'm just doing it wrong (if I posted a video would you guys critique it for me? Deb Roby??) but despite doing it religiously I never saw a difference from it. Never even felt so much as a twinge doing it. Gym Buddy Megan however liked it so much she bought her own roller for home.
3. Big training jump between phases. Gym Buddy Krista pointed out that the transition from Phase I to Phase II in the workouts was a huge leap and that beginners might need to spend a lot more time than one month in Phase I to be comfortable enough to move on. Of course we skipped Phase I entirely so, yeah.
4. The hilarious warm-up. (Although I need to clarify: I love that she has a dynamic warm-up. We are totally on board with dynamic warm-ups. We just felt kinda silly doing a maypole dance in the middle of the weight floor.)
Conclusions
I loved this. I want more of it! I'm actually sad to move on from this Experiment because I've enjoyed it so much. Plus? I love looking in the mirror when I punch and seeing rippling muscles. Maybe I'm finally coming into my own power. And I think we still look like girls:
PS. I tried to take some pics to show you guys my super duper new muscles up close but apparently I have vampire muscles - they disappear on film. Sigh. I don't know if it's because I'm so pale that porcelain gets jealous or if it's because that while the change is major to me it's actually pretty minor to everyone else. But, hey, at least you're spared more grainy pics of my messy bathroom!
Fitness Experiment. In a nutshell: I put on some serious muscle. And I think I like it. In the past 4 years of doing fitness Experiments, I've liked a lot of things. I've enjoyed doing the vast majority of the programs I've tried but there are only a few I have loved. CrossFit. Karate. And now this one. This program certainly ranks in my top 3 and is possibly number 1! I know! 
